What will come next? Right now it’s that question that applies not only to the future but also to my past.
It just came over me last week. Out of the blue. A pretty unexplainable reason to tidy up my archive, find a new order, and the hardest part for me, to decide which things to let go of, which ones I release after decades of holding everything close – and: finally laying a foundation for forgetting, to make room for the new.
In doing so, many things and memories surface. Very personal things I haven’t had in front of my eyes for an unbelievably long time and memories from deeply buried in my hippocampus. Often it’s a cheerful reunion, sometimes exciting, then sad, and occasionally quite embarrassing (like finding my old mixtapes).
It’s like following a trail of breadcrumbs back into my past—a trail I left for myself to see how much I’ve changed over the years (no more collecting habit), where I’ve more or less obviously grown (my first attempts with photo editing software are a decent witness here), where I’m still the same old guy (like a hearty love for pop culture and humor in any form), and where painful shards of the past still linger inside me (as i recently read in some old love letters from the 90s).
There are still some breadcrumbs left here that I want to follow soon. It’s fascinating – this fine line between liking and having to. And it’s nice to notice in myself how this liking is connected with consistency, curiosity, courage, openness, and ultimately: the willingness to let go.