What is she searching for?
Is it beauty? Truth? Hope? Happiness? Peace?
Maybe she is looking for answers. Maybe meaning.
Or maybe she’s simply combing the rocks for pieces of sea glass.
086* Beachfront Housing
My new happy place. Small acres of farmland, small beaches, small dive bars on stilts over the beach, small ice cream shops, small pastoral trails. BIG beauty.
The beaches frequented by locals in the winter, the bars by college students. The houses here are empty now.
In the summer, throngs of tourists. The houses will be full once more.
In the quiet of a rainy, foggy morning after a storm, I am the only one around in my happy place. I don’t mind the dampness as I explore these familiar roads and witness the changes that arise with time.
084* Out with the Old…
New Year’s Order. Going through every item I own, piece by piece. Discarding some, holding on to others. Cleansing my space and my soul. Making piles on the floor makes you realize the overabundance of materials, the unnecessary keeping of goods.
I’ll donate what I no longer have a use for. Or maybe I’ll sell it on eBay, and make another long distance friend. 🙂
It all comes full circle.
082* That Time of Year
Printing, cutting, pasting, writing, stuffing, mailing, shopping, wrapping, taping, stringing, baking……
Dozens of cards, gift bags, cookies, christmas lights, holiday songs… All the things we do at the holidays in an effort to get into the spirit.
I have to admit, it’s not my favorite time of year. But let’s stay positive here!
It should be a time of generosity, love, compassion, light, peace, and joy. I hope that’s what it is for you!
But if it’s not, that’s okay. It will pass, we will get through it and move on. This can be a tough time of year for a lot of folks. Let’s keep others in our minds as we move through the season.
Wishing everyone a safe holiday. I hope it is the best it can be, whatever you celebrate.
.Peace & Love.
080* One Million: A Letter
Dear World:
It’s been a while, too long, since we spoke. A wise man once told me that “there are a million ways or a million excuses.” I’m afraid that today, I’m counting down the excuses.
When I think of my life over these last few months, it’s all a bit of a whirlwind. The monastery. Leaving a job. Stefan’s visit. The holidays. So much has happened, yet when I try to put a name to what I’ve been up to, I can’t say. At the monastery, I learned that it’s okay to have time for yourself to not be productive. To release the pressure of having to do something meaningful or at least high-yielding all the time. When I got back, I felt like a changed woman. Spontaneous, free, letting things come and go, taking time to watch the clouds and the bumblebees float by. Over time, however, I noticed that feeling leaving me. After a while, I felt like I had lost it. During Stefan’s visit, I told him about that lost feeling. Now, a month after he’s gone, I’m realizing that I’m almost where I was before I went to Mount Saviour.
Granted, I’m not planning out my days minute by minute or tracking every step I take. There is still some freedom, a bit of spontaneity. But what I mean when I say “where I was before” is that I’m stuck in the grind. It’s rare when I take a moment to just be. My meditations are spinning with thoughts. If I’m still, doing nothing, it’s probably because I’m sleeping. I’m trying my best to make more time for my art, for writing and photographing. But I think mostly I’m working. Either working at my job, weird hours now with our big holiday sale; or working on doing things for people, like printing things for christmas presents; or working on my side hustles, my eBay store is up and running again and I have a few clients who hire me to watch their cats. The To Do List reigns supreme lately, in the spirit of trying to always be productive, and in the busy-ness of the holiday season. How much I miss those days at the monastery and the following weeks upon my return. It seems I’m struggling with balance right now.
I could spin around the million excuses about why I’ve been absent as if I was eternally going around a rotary. Now it’s time to find the million ways. Time to make the time to be there for my friends, and for myself. To take the time to create, to have a little fun now and then, to catch up with the people who ask me, “where have you been?” A couple of weeks ago I told myself with conviction that I would make the time to go out with my camera at least once every week. So far, I’ve been successful–even if I don’t end up taking any photos, I still put the effort into having a little “me time.” That is Way Number 1. Way Number 2 will be an effort to reach out to the people who care regularly, even if it’s just a quick note to say I’m thinking of them. Way Number 3 will be to try to shift my priorities a bit. It shouldn’t be all work, all the time. I’ll find ways to incorporate that spontaneity and freedom back into my life.
Oh, dear world, awareness is truly key. Until very recently, I didn’t realize I got so caught up in the machine. Thank you for asking me about my absense, causing me to check in with myself. I hope I can be a good friend to you again in the coming days. I will find the ways.
Yours truly,
Sarah
078* Geschlossen
After Stefan’s doozy of a post last week, it was difficult to follow up with my own. I had ideas; there was a lot that I had planned on doing for my turn behind the camera.
There were quite a few times when Stefan was here with me that the places we visited were geschlossen, closed. My hope was to use this blog post to transport us to one such location. However, just as with my plans with Stefan, Murphy’s Law came into play. On “My Saturday,” I went to the pharmacy to receive not one, but two immunization shots. I went back home to get some work done, and then headed out in the evening to Sons of Liberty for a whiskey tasting, a place I had wanted to take Stefan but which was closed when we tried. I didn’t stay long. The company I found there was not so good, and I started feeling not so good too. By the time I got home, I had a fever, chills, aches. I went straight to bed and had a long, miserable, sleepless night. I was geschlossen!
Although I feel that this week’s blog post is underwhelming, I was at least able to take this photo before I left the distillery. Though the photo doesn’t show much, the spirit or story behind it is a reminder of the lessons learned from Stefan’s visit: to make the best of things even with bad luck strikes; to find humor in life; and to know that the people who really care will appreciate your best efforts, even if you had hoped for better.
076* The Creative Capital, Part II
One year ago, I published this blog post after spending an exciting evening at the Providence Waterfire. The event left an impression on me, but I never could have dreamed that 52 Saturdays later, I would be standing in the same spot with my dear friend from almost 4,000 miles away. Going to the waterfire with Stefan was a totally different experience; seeing the awe in his eyes at the scenes that lay in front of us, sharing our deep thoughts with each other, enjoying the occasion and wishing it could have lasted longer.
Stefan’s journey here has been marked with adventures large and small, moments and memories captured in our minds and on a modest film camera (but that is a story all of it’s own). We have done more together than could be shared on this blog, and yet so much remains undone. By the time of our next blog post, he will be finishing up his trip in NYC, and shortly thereafter heading home to Austria. When we finally part ways, I will say a heartfelt ichigo ichie, but not sayonara. We have enjoyed this adventure as fully as possible, making the best of things when Murphy’s Law struck our plans down. The question now becomes: when will we meet again?
074* Face to Face
072* Something Completely Ordinary During a Completely Extraordinary Time
A totally ordinary car (clearly owned by a “townie”) with ordinary bumper stickers relative to the local area. And yet this car symbolizes all of the new things that Stefan will be experiencing in just a couple of days. On Monday afternoon, he will be arriving by train from NYC to Providence, RI. What will we do? Perhaps we will check out Nico Scout, or stop by the Contemporary Theater Company. There likely won’t be any composting, but who knows–the possibilities are endless! Soon these bumper stickers will be more than just words on the back of someone’s car, they will be memories and experiences. It seems unreal to know that after more than 7 years of being penpals, we will meet face to face in real life.
See you soon my friend!
070* Hurricane Stefan
It’s hurricane season and today is the first day of autumn. Leaves have started to fall, temperatures are dropping. Rainy days from the tropical storms cause us to stay indoors–a precursor to winter hibernation. Soon, the forests will show vibrant displays of gold, red, and orange. Soon, Stefan will experience autumn in New England firsthand.
Soon, I will meet my long distance friend of over 7 years face to face.